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Hazards attract, fairways repel

The flawed golfer humor that keeps you coming back to the links for moreā€¦

  • The game of golf is 90% mental and 10% mental.
  • Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is actually the beginning of the next group of three.
  • Any change works for a maximum of three holes and a minimum of not at all.
  • Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing.
  • Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.
  • The inevitable result of a golf lesson is the instant elimination of one critical unconscious motion that allowed you to compensate for all your errors.
  • Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts.
  • A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponent's luck.
  • If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.
  • Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.
  • The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.
  • There are two kinds of bounces: unfair bounces, and bounces just the way you meant to play it.
  • You can hit a 2-acre fairway 10% of the time, and a 2-inch branch 90% of the time.
  • A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.
  • Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it.
  • No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse.